They say if you stare at him long enough, you can see what’s written on the wall behind him. They say a lot of things about the Schwa, but one thing’s for sure: no one ever noticed him. Except me. My name is Antsy Bonano—and I can tall you what’s true and what’s not. ’Cause I was there. I was the one who realized the Schwa was “functionally invisible” and used it to make some big bucks. But I was also the one who caused him more grief than a friend should. So if you all just shut up and listen, I’ll spill everything. Unless, of course, “the Schwa Effect” wiped him out of my brain before I’m done

It was a dumb idea, but one of those dumb ideas that accidentally turns out to be brilliant—which, I’ve come to realize, is much worse than being dumb. My name’s Antsy Bonano—but you probably already know that—and unless you got, like, memory issues, you’ll remember the kid named the Schwa, who I told you about last time. Well, now there’s this other kid, and his story is a whole lot stranger, if such a thing is possible. It all started when Gunnar Ümlaut and I were watching three airborne bozos struggle with a runaway parade balloon. That’s when Gunnar tells me he’s only got six months to live. Maybe it was because he said he was living on borrowed time, or maybe it was just because I wanted to do something meaningful for him, but I gave him a month of my life ... ... And that’s when things began to get seriously weird. If you want to know more, like how ice water made me famous, or how I dated a Swedish goddess, you’re going to have to open the book, because I’m not wasting anymore of my breath on a stinkin’ blurb